Mental health issues have plagued me from very early on. I was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and depression by the time I was in middle school. I got help and medicated all the way through high school, but after that I wanted to try it on my own. I was convinced it was all just in my head and I simply just needed to put mind over matter. I did well for awhile, through a couple jobs, then eventually college and into grad school. In grad school, it all came crashing down and I ended up in the hospital for a week. I promised to seek outpatient therapy and restart medication to be released, which I did. While seeing the psychiatrist at the school, he told me I didn’t just have depression, I had bipolar type 2. I had such a bad stigma of bipolar that it made me angry and I was convinced he was wrong. I did graduate with a master’s degree in engineering, but I had to move back home as I couldn’t find a job. I just couldn’t figure out what about me was causing no employer to give me a chance. I figured it had to be symptoms of my mental health issues that I was unaware of. This just caused me to fight it more, be an angry person, wishing I was normal and starting to feel hopeless again. One Sunday, I was in church and the praise band was playing “Chain Breaker” by Zach Williams. I had never heard it before, but in that moment, it hit me like a freight train. I had been allowing myself to be held back by these metaphorical chains since there was nothing I could do about it alone. I needed to turn to God to have him break these chains so I could really start to live and find myself. So that’s what I did. I learned to trust Him and listen for guidance on what I was supposed to do. It has not been a path I would’ve chosen for myself and I have worked several different jobs so far that I haven’t been happy at, but it’s not up to me. There is a reason why I was in those places. I finally now find myself in a great situation. I have a job I am happy with and appreciated by my supervisor and team, even though my background was very different from what the company does. I have learned a lot about myself and am able to convey my struggles and needs to my partner who is very patient and understanding with everything. All because I heard “Chain Breaker” at the exact time I needed to. It is a song that I will forever hold near and dear for the profound effect it has had on my life. I just want everyone to know that whatever their “chains” might be that hold them back, all they need to do is turn to God and he’ll take care of it. God Bless.
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