The tragedies I have had in my life are many. I was so lost. I was told as a youth that GOD was a punisher for our sins. All I could think over the years was “What had I done that I deserved to be knocked off my feet time and time again?”After my 5-year-old oldest son died from brain cancer, I read the book, ‘Why do bad things happen to Good people?’ by Harold S. Kushner. It gave me very little comfort. As the years passed, the pain and confusion grew with every gut wretching incident. When I became pregnant and had a due date of exactly one year from my son’s passing, the child inside me became unwanted. Was GOD joking? How could this possibly make the situation any better? That child’s birth was a near death experience. I loved that boy with all my heart the first moment I saw him and asked his forgiveness for the past 9 months. By that time, I refused to even think about GOD. He was there, but for some reason, I felt he had abandoned me. Life continued with trials around every corner. Daily tasks like parenting, marriage, bills, jobs, and so on, became done on auto-pilot. When my second son died at the age of 21 years from a car accident, 17 years after his brother’s passing, I did not break down like many would have done. I never shed a tear. My marriage had ended 2 years prior so there was no shoulder to cry on. I kept living on. I still had two children to take care of. I did not even think about GOD. Now, all doubt had been removed and I KNEW he did not exist! That happened 11 years ago yesterday. I was moving through life as if in a fog. Painkillers and sleep aids, not eating, not bathing, I was barely living. As I’m writing this, a hummingbird took the time to stop and tweet in my face before going on his way. Jesus was saying ‘go on. You are doing a good thing!’. I am smiling. I have had people mentioning his good works for over 6 months now. Last week, driving home, I accepted Jesus to walk beside me and be my teacher! The song that was playing was ‘Oh My Soul’ by Casting Crowns. My whole body became alive! It was like having goosebumps all over every inch! I cried terribly and had to pull over. At that moment, I vowed to look back, a little at a time, to see the miracles GOD was giving me instead of all the pain. I have so much to learn! So much to live for! In 4 months time I have gone off of 8 medicines and feel healthier than I have in decades. I am married to a man that is a rock in my life! I have two very wonderful, independent, strong, intelligent children! I have three beautiful, caring stepchildren! I have family that is closer to me though we are miles apart! I have a talent of creativity and I share it with the world! And I have JESUS holding my hand!I had come across your station only a couple of weeks ago. The music and the commentary have given me new hope. There is a light, always has been, I only had to open my eyes! What wonderful work you do! It has encouraged me to seek counseling with a Christian counselor. I cannot wait for our first meeting. GOD has blessed the work you do! Thank you!
Forgiveness is not an easy process in general, but it can actually be especially difficult to forgive ourselves.