I was an atheist for the first 33 years of my life. Church was never a part of my life and when it was, it was something to suffer through. Sometime after my 34th birthday I decided to give faith a chance. I was completely skeptical and felt like a fraud every day. I still do occasionally. I went to church once a month with a friend of mine. I loved the church but it was 45 minutes away and money was tight. Now, I don’t remember exactly what happened, but a few months after deciding to try it out I decided it wasn’t for me and went back to life as usual. I was having troubles in my marriage, battling anxiety and depression along with self-harm tendencies. After three stressful days I was on autopilot. I felt like a zombie, going through the motions but feeling nothing. I drive cab for a living, and it was a usual day but I remember it so vividly. The dispatcher sent me to pick up a woman I’ll call Zoe. I had met her one other time. We bonded over the fact I was listening to this station. That day I was too tired to have the conversation I knew I would have with Zoe if she didn’t hear Life 102.5 on my radio, so I turned it on to keep her quiet. I picked her up and took her home with no issues. After she was out of my cab I was about to change the station but something stopped me. I told myself that I usually had the radio down so much I didn’t hear it anyway, so it didn’t matter. Then the song Blessings came on. The lyrics washed over me and I just started crying. I didn’t know why. Suddenly it hit me; God did this. Took me at my weakest and set things in motion to steer my feet to the path they were supposed to be on. And I will be forever grateful to God and this station.
Forgiveness is not an easy process in general, but it can actually be especially difficult to forgive ourselves.