I’m a senior in high school. Before I moved here for second grade onward, I went to Catholic school. As I went into the public school system, lost all my friends, and dealt with temporarily separated parents (my dad had new job, mom didn’t at first). We didn’t go to church. I stooped believing in God, mostly. I would discuss with my friend, and ask questions about how he existed, how he came to be. In seventh grade, I tried to kill myself. I never told anyone till I had a form to fill out a couple years ago. Then, I got dragged to church. The preacher read a passage from the Bible that to me seemed wrong and unfair (why can’t the man say goodbye to his dying dad before he goes with Jesus). I fell even more out of touch with God. Then my family found this station. I built a new relationship. MY OWN relationship with God. If asked my religion, I say agnostic for simplicity sake, explaining I believe in God, but don’t agree with churches and structured worship is hard.
Even though I still want to kill myself sometimes, I can turn on my music, Danny Gokey’s “Tell your heart to beat again” Jason Grey’s “Sparrows” Johnny Diaz’s “Breathe”, “Chain Breaker” and so many others. It reminds me I’m not alone, there are others around to help me, and God won’t abandon me either.
No, I don’t pray every day, but I do sing the songs. I do talk to God. Not as formal prayer, but as a plea, for a small goodness, for my friends safety. Sometimes I just talk to him about my day, or my friends. I’ll ask him how he is doing, even though the answer isn’t always clear or easy to understand, I can feel his love.
I was in Las Vegas for my honeymoon and we ended up right next to the concert where the shootings occurred. This is my story.